Even if it kills me
by musicormisery22
Summary: When Cece comes to visit Jason the day after Alisons body was found, they take a hurtful step..


When Jason heard the door open slightly he turned away.

He really didn't care who it was - his little sister was dead and there was nothing and no one who could ever bring her back to him. His parents were suffering, they were hurt, angry.

But not a single person actually cared about how he was doing.

He missed her too! He was hurting so bad but everyone expected him to be strong.. but he wasn't.

Jason took another sip of the little portion of whiskey that was still in his glass when

he felt the presence of the other person coming closer.

''What do you want?'' he said not even caring who he addressed that briefly.

''I-I.. I came to talk to you..'' the woman said a bit frightened by his tone.

''Have you been drinking again?!'' she asked shocked.

''Cece.. I..'' Jason answered surprised - sure he could've guessed that it was his girlfriend

who came to comfort him but he didn't felt any need to see her, _until he actually did-_

He rushed towards her and took her in his arms, searching for comfort in her embrace.

''thank you'' he said out of context but Cece understood..

**(Ceces POV)**

It hurt to see him like this.

Jason used to be the strong one, the guy that wasn't afraid of anything.

But Cece knew him better than this.

She inhaled his scent one more time before slowly loosen out of his grip and looking into his eyes.

''I'm sorry'' - she was sorry for so many things, it seemed ridiculous to strangers that they were

even dating, but they both did some stupid stuff, both of them have their faults but that's why

they loved each other, right? because they respect each other and make each other happy?

Well when she looked at her boyfriend right now, there was nothing _happy_ about him anymore.

The Spark in his eyes was gone, even when he looked at her. Sure he was grieving but she was

hurt too - Ali had been one of her closest friends and since she didn't really open up to anyone

there was no one to run to right now, no one but Jason.

''I love you, you know that, right?'' she said quietly.

He had been drinking again and it was awful.

Of course she had never been the one to turn down a good drink and some tipsy fun but Jasons new regular was far from tipsy.. he got himself _wasted_ at least twice a week and there were many times she had to suffer from this. He had shouted at her, he had thrown her out but in the end.. he was the only one to make her happy. No matter how many times they fought, what absurd insults they threw at each other at times, when he kissed her everything bad thing was gone. There had never been a person in her life that made her happier or more messed up then Jason. She knew, that if she was even capable of love, then this was it.

''I do.. and you know that I feel the same way.. even if it doesn't show that often lately'' Jason replied softly.

''I know..'' She said, giving him a light kiss on the cheek. ''but things have to change if we want to keep this up..'' she added calm, it was barely a whisper. Things were messed up but deep inside she knew that that wasn't the point. It was something more.. something she was seriously afraid to tell him.

''Wh-What do you mean, Ce?'' Jason said suprised, pulling away a bit. ''Nothing big.. I.. the drinking just got too much..'' she tried to explain without getting into a fight – without having to tell him the truth..

''The drinking? Really? What about the cheating? Is that something to keep up a nice relationship?!'' Jason responded harshly.

''What? Jason.. you can't be serious!'' Cece said in a pleading voice. ''I thought we left those jealousy issues behind?''

''Issues, huh? You _fucked_ Eric Kahn and you didn't even have the guts to tell me yourself! And _I_ took you back! because _I love you_! and now you're blowing up that little drinking of mine?!'' Jason replied, it was more a scream than an actual respond.

''Jason, pleaase!'' Cece tried to calm him down by taking his hand but it was in vain. She was shocked of how serious things had gotten in the matter of 5 minutes, she wanted to talk to him like the adults they were but at this point there was no way to get to Jason.

''Show me a guy who would've taken you back, Cece! Show me a guy that would take back someone who may or may not be responsible for the death of his little sister!''

''Are you serious right now? You are seriously blaming me for Ali's death?'' Cece said in a deadly voice.

Where did this come from? Last time she checked they were speaking out their love for each other and now they're in a stormy fight.

She was appalled that Jason could even think something like this, but even more was she hurt.

It hit her like a bullet in the back that Jason still didn't trust her after all they've been through.

When she found out about Alis death she was a mess, the blonde had told her about the threats the received but Cece always told her that those were just some childish games, but they weren't.

Too bad she only realized that now, maybe Jason was right, maybe she was responsible for the murder - sure not actively but she could've helped her run away when she begged for her help and she didn't. So now hearing Jason accusing her of all of this didn't only hurt her, it made her feel guilty. She had to talk to him at one point anyway and maybe this was the best way to find a save way out...

''Maybe you're right!'' she said angry, pulling away from Jason.

(Jasons POV)

He knew that it had gotten off topic, off anything for that matter.

He didn't want to fight, everything was messed up enough -

''Right about what?'' Jason asked confused.

All of a sudden his anger from a minute ago seemed so ridiculous, he had no right to attack his girlfriend like this, she was the only person that actually means something to him anymore and he wouldn't risk that over some stupid fight.

''Right about us not being good for each other! You're an ass, Jason! You treat me like shit and I know what you're doing with your fucked up ''N.A.T.'' club! you can bet your ass on this one!'' Cece screamed totally beside herself.

What was she talking about?! Where the hell did that come from all of a sudden?

They were perfect for each other! Of course they had their little differences but doesn't every couple fight sometimes? Besides, their temper may be frustrating while arguing but when it turns into passion no one could keep up with them. They had brilliant chemistry.

''Hey Ce, if this has something to do with me blaming you for Alisons.. for what happened, I'm so sorry - I- I didn't mean it!'' Jason tried to break the fight. He really didn't mean it. That thought was one that his parents tried to force on him – Cece the older girl thazt manipulated their little Alison into being the narcissistic bitch she had been before she disappeared- but Jason didn't belive them. Cece loved Ali, she treated her like a sister, she would never wish any bad for her!

(Ceces POV)

''No, Jason! It's way more than that! I just deserve better than you!'' - no, _you_ deserve better than _me_. If you'd know what I know.. everything would change.

Over the past months Cece couldn't stop thinking about Alison, everything they had been through, every word she said - it all started to make sense now and Cece needed answers.. but she had to do it on her own.

If the person threatening Ali was capable of murder she couldn't let anyone else get involved.

Just the thought of anyone hurting Jason to get to her was unbearable- she knew what she had to do and she also knew that it wasn't going to be easy.

''It's over! I don't wanna see your wasted visage ever again!'' She said storming out of the room, trying her hardest to keep the tears from falling, at least until he couldn't see her anymore.

''Are you delirious?'' She heard him screaming from the other side of the room, forcing her feet to keep on moving.

''Cece Drake will you please talk to me?'' Jason wouldn't let her go that easily.

If she wasn't trying to keep him save it might have held her back but right now it just fuled her love for the tall, brown haired, handsome guy - and it hurt like hell.

When he felt his hand slowly wrap around her waist, pulling her back softly, her facade almost broke, but her need to protect him was stronger.

''I love you! And I'm not giving up on us!'' he said pressing a passionate kiss to her lips.

Cece wasn't moving, wasn't talking. If this was going to be goodbye then, regardlessly of her will, she needed to have this last kiss. _I love you too, I always will_.

But instead of speaking her mind, she took a step back and looked away.

''No, we're done, Jason!'' Finally she felt his pressure around her body fade, so did the hope he was spreading just s few seconds ago.

It seemed like he finally understood.

Cece couldn't look into his eyes anymore. If they showed even a bit of the pain she was feeling

right now, it would break her. So she just tightened her grip around the doorknob, turned it and ran as fast as she could.

At last her tears fell free down her cheeks.


End file.
